Le problème avec les communautés

Avec les réseaux sociaux devenant hégémoniques ces 20 dernières années, on s'est rendu compte qu'on était super connectés mais que notre connexion était digitale et distante. On a plus notre communauté d'antan, le village qu'on connaissait enfant, les petits groupes d'amis ont été éparpillé, les associations sont dissoutes etc..

On veut du communautaire, on veut de la connexion. Mais j'ai l'impression qu'on revendique une version romanticisé de notre souvenir, une nostalgie embellie qui n'a jamais existé.

Nos groupes n'étaient pas si cohésifs, nos associations pas si accueillantes, nos ami.e.s pas si proches. Même nos familles n'ont jamais été tant capable d'être un cocon pour la chenille qu'on était.

Les ami.e.s de l'époque avaient des problèmes. Et des amis.e.s d'aujourd'hui, du même âge ou pas, ont le même discours qu'on avait il y a 20 ans.

En gros, rien n'a changé, on a juste plus facilement accès à un échappatoire pour se leurrer que l'herbe est peut-être plus verte ailleurs. Avant on devait aller voir pour confirmer la supposition, maintenant on voit a distance mais avec un beau filtre IG par dessus.

Ce n'est pas un problème, ça pousse à l'action un peu plus et c'est bon pour le capitalisme, mais ça ne règle pas le problème de se sentir connecté, avec des personnes qui s'apprécient mutuellement, dans un endroit ou tout le monte se sent à la maison.

Parce que même si on trouve des communautés en Australie, au Canada ou en Espagne, on est souvent régie par des règles que d'autres nous imposent. Un peu comme la famille, vous avez des parents qui veulent que vous soyez aussi maniac du ménage que l'un, obsédé par le fait que cette porte doit rester fermée ou ce rideau ouvert, ou bien au contraire vous subissez un niveau de foutoir et de saleté auquel vous ne devriez pas être habitué.

En bref, on a atomisé les ménages petit à petit, encore une fois pour une raison de contrôle, et de satisfaction personnelle, ou même une colocation n'est pas toujours si simple à soutenir.

On rêve de communauté, avec nos ami.e.s ou tout le monde se sent bien et en liberté dans un contexte qu'ils apprécient. Mais est-ce possible ? Est-ce réalisable ?

En terme de lieux d'habitation, rurale ou citadin, taille de ville, proximité du travail, etc.. ?

En terme de choix d'électroménager, de service de ménage ou non, de position du mobilier, de l'entretien du jardin, etc.. ?

Toutes ces questions ont des réponses différentes pour chaque personne. Comment une communauté peut parvenir à satisfaire tout le monde à la fois ? C'est le problème de la démocratie et on voit très bien que peu sont capable d'être unanimes, voir même majoritaire juste à 80%, même à l'âge ou l'histoire se répète à cause des boomers qui perdent la mémoire de ce qu'ils ont hérité il y a 70 ans, car ils bénéficient du résultat.

En gros, le yin et le yang, c'est l'étau entre le capitalisme et le fascisme, ça c'est le niveau terre à terre duquel il faut sortir, pour vivre la tête un peu plus dans les nuages, tout en élevant le style de communauté à construire. Il faudrait avoir une sorte de trépied sur lequel se reposer pour chaque communauté pour que les intéressés sachent quels intérêts sont partagés.

What personality trait influence emotional intelligence?

"Learning a language is a never-ending journey -- even for native speakers -- so focusing on the path ahead is self-defeating. After all, there will always be more to learn."

https://www.inc.com/justin-bariso/productivity-emotional-intelligence-how-to-be-more-productive-how-to-measure-success-self-worth-rule-of-reappraisal.html

It's something I've done quite a bit, even though falling into guilt trips or succumbing to criticism from people knowing nothing of how much work is involved in my field made me feel like a failure..

Now I know it's a strategy to avoid/bypass helplessness.. "Equanimity & Refocus" has been a motto for a few years..

I know I struggle to keep my feelings under control (which is something I've been made feel bad for doing so, so on top of feeling negative emotions, I feel bad for feeling them) but I read a book earlier this year (can't remember the title, it was about the female body I believe) and it was saying doing so help them damn feelings to be processed fully, which also seems to be a more intelligent way to "digest" them, complete the cycle and move on, than to "repress" them..

Another thing I have been made aware in the last year was the notion that "negative" doesn't mean "bad", it means they feel unpleasant, and that's why we perceive them as bad, because they make us feel bad, but those are two different things.

Feeling disgust is a way to protect yourself from rotten food, is a negative feeling that feels bad to protect you from harm.

Showing anger can be seen as a sign of being under threat, not automatically linked to being on the defensive.

Violence is attack, anger can be a response to mistreatment, once again a reaction to protect yourself, some people don't display anger, and yet will behave violently..

Tell me which one is better, defending yourself against a threat OR emotionlessly attacking someone?

"It’s important to notice something here: Feelings are NOT designed to have us slow down and really feel them. We may not even be consciously aware of our emotional state."

https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/harnessing-principles-change/202010/the-key-skill-we-rarely-learn-how-feel-your-feelings

I was wondering if neuroticism had an impact on EI has it seems to emphasise negative emotions, so I was also wondering could it be emphasising all emotions, and after a bit of research i found this which actually conclude for each personality traits that:

• Openness influence EI
• Conscientiousness doesn't influence EI
• Extraversion influence EI
• Agreeableness influence EI
• Neuroticism doesn't influence EI

Emotional Revolution

Where are we? not geographically, not temporarily, but in the stages of the human society that will push us out of the mess we put ourself in.

Art was a way for us to awe and transfer information that words cant make sense of (imagine Michelangelo trying to define his inventions with words, even Ikea draws the steps you need to follow so it's understandable).

Technology came later on to make all those ideas a reality, transform the matter into shapes to create system that allow us to produce more whilst doing less, remember we are old, lazy humans, we dominated survival long time ago..

And now what? well the mind is expressed, the tools are put together, we have plenty of everything even garbage, but the issue comes from our behaviours, our habits, our cravings, our addictions, in one word: ourselves.

And like everything in the universe is ever changing, it's a good sign we can learn to reverse the tendency to avoid our excesses to the end of humanity. Of course that in itself is futile, but what survival used to be (having a steak once in a while, and a mate), versus what it is now are two different things. As our chances of survival evolve in difficulty, we need to plan for the long term.

But lately, is it what we're doing? The people in charge are still behaving like brats and rehashing personal grievances that dictates the outcome of a country, millions of lives, that are merely trying to stay afloat in the storm of life.

We blame, we point fingers, we discriminate because of our own hurts and traumas while still boasting and bragging about our oh so little achievements thinking it would save our pathetic soul (you know the thing we can't define or witness).

At least feelings are being witnessed every day, you see your sad face in the mirror in the morning, you see angry colleagues, bitter politicians, arrogant celebrities, but also kind labourers, generous managers, excitement in your kid's eyes when you take them for an ice-cream..

So the point is, how do we maximise the good feelings in general and reduce the bad emotions that drain us of our love? How do we reduce the systemic controls that only a few benefit from financially to relieve us all, psychologically, emotionally, which would increase general satisfaction and productivity?

Can we reconciliate capitalist el dorado's, growth, and universal need for peace of mind?

I would certainly hope so, but how? where do we start?

It's not going to be easy, but one bite at a time, you can chew on your feelings, processing them to understand why they arise, and find out where the inconsistency lies. Reassembling those memories and feelings in a rational way is how you move on. Gestalt therapy helps refocusing on the elements that create a sum bigger than its parts, whilst Stoicism keeps our feelings detached, only then you can increase the accuracy of your  perception of each situation.

CaPitalism has created the mean to define our target and reach it, but CaRitalism should help us define better goals, more sustainable than never ending growth..

Self reliance

I have been working on my stuff for a while now, of course nothing will replace good old "employment", but this shit is most of the time not fulfilling, meetings leading nowhere, short-circuiting actual progress, waiting for feedback that are more confusing than really helping, often contradictory with other "directions", which make companies quite over-rated in a way, too many cooks and stupid authorities killing the creative process.. I named it the "confused team" syndrome, a friend call it "death by committee", you get the idea...

So anyway, my projects are getting together-ish, I'm not claiming to be building the next GTA or Elder scroll, but I find that it evolved quite in the right direction, not being restricted by a whole team, usually bringing not much..

I realised as well, that after so many years, playing with the different tools, and technologies, I finally can do most things, not perfectly obviously, but well enough to be independent, like most of us in the indie eco-system.. and what I never really did, makes sense to actually learn more about today!